Hot-Glue

2009-05-21T22:24:00.000-07:00

For the last few years, I suppose you could say I have been driven by what I can’t do. Most of these cant do’s were the result of not having enough time, combined with the presumption that my sacrifices would have a high return rate.

Time has become an unfortunate fixation as a result of trying to wear too many hats at once. Although it is considered a temporal illusion, I am convinced that the 72 hours that make up my weekend are significantly shorter than the 72 hours that make up my workdays.

Whoever said, “Time is not a reality, but a concept or a measure” clearly never worked at a daily newspaper.

Time exists and I have a calendar to prove it.

On an average mid-stress level day I counted 23 different occasions where the word ‘time’ surfaced into my conscious. Admittedly ‘food’ was a close second.

But now with a degree in hand and my old newspaper position filled I will be drunk on time. Once known for my self control and ability to make rational decisions, my new found freedom may turn me into a nomad or a career gypsy.

People will probably stare and say, “Whoa, she has way too much time on her hands.”

Maybe they will be right.

Who knows? With my new found freedom, I may have time to find my old life.

Either way, I feel that that there are exciting things just beyond the horizon.

Post-grad delusions

2009-04-14T16:30:00.000-07:00

The spring semester is nearing an end just like all the semesters past. Graduation and a stumbling into what I adoringly call “real life” will precede this year’s summer break.

While I’m still in joyous disbelief that it’s actually happening, my nerves are only exacerbated by reality.

Why this economy? Why this year?

Despite having a serious case of senioritis, I’m attempting to catch amnesia so I can hurry up and forget about how I used to have hopes and dreams of finding a job directly out of college, but it’s not working.

To make matters worse, the national unemployment rate rose to 8.5 percent in March while California clocks in at 10.5 percent.

I try and psyche myself up for it. After all, who doesn’t like a challenge? I have also tried new words on for size like “hireability.” The phrases part-time and “for-credit internships” are all of a sudden becoming more attractive each day. I suppose I should stop whining.

It’s not all doom and gloom. There are a few recession-proof jobs: Most just happen to deal with numbers and usually have the word “analyst” somewhere in the title. I just can’t fool myself into thinking that a bachelor’s in journalism somehow makes me qualified for a position as a network systems and data communications analyst.

There are a few entrepreneurial jobs that have caught my eye. Some could actually generate some dough.

1. Sell the future: The only thing better than capitalizing on one person’s fear and insecurity is to capitalize on that fear and insecurity for $3.99 a minute. Becoming a psychic reader is almost too easy. And, unlike a Ponzi scheme, there is no need to set up offshore bank accounts or lie to investors about making a 50 percent return on investments.

People like to get some “thing” in return for their cash so offering someone a free psychic reading — for the first three minutes — is not a complete sham.

2. Shoot for the luminous balls of gas: If you still question whether people will buy anything, try flexing your entrepreneurial skills by starting a star registry. Now, as far as I can tell, the International Star Registry pretty much has this field tapped, but I see no reason why anyone with a computer couldn't profit from such a scam — I mean job.

And at $54 a pop, it is hard to see why anyone would pass this up. Take a page from the ISR playbook and keep the details in the fine print.

“We do not own the star, so we cannot sell it to you. This is like adopting the star … It is something you can point at to know that there is something special out there for you,” reads the registry’s website. Seriously? Perhaps, this may be shooting too low.

3. Get the hell out of Dodge: If scraping by in the U.S. economy doesn’t feel right, there is always the option to move abroad. Think about it; you get to start over and you can call yourself an ex-pat.

Some jobs abroad include hotel worker, language tutor, black-market trader, sweatshop laborer, pirate, Amsterdam coffee shop staffer and gypsy. Although I have not entirely figured out how to make money on the last one, it would be pretty easy to not spend money.

Plus, menial work in a different country never actually feels like menial work, it just feels like an extension of a holiday. Additionally, I find that no one will ever judge you for prolonging entry, or entirely avoiding, the workforce straight out of college if you tell them you just want to travel.

Avoiding post-graduation responsibility to travel can be considered an educational endeavor, but lets not pretend that it’s a slight circumvention of our adult obligations — paying taxes.

My childhood dreams of living beach side and writing books -- making The New York Times bestseller list in my pajamas -- is a pipe dream in this economy, or at least not an entry-level position.

While I can’t say that these tips are a guaranteed way to make millions, I can conclude that attempting any of the three will inevitably lead to one final solution — grad school anyone?

Cell-Phone Disturbia

2009-04-09T19:43:00.000-07:00

I, against all my might, managed to make it through spring break without my cell phone.

I realize how that statement may not be entirely true, and misleading at best.

It all began about 13 months ago when my “only-pay-the-taxes, re-sign-your-contract-for-the-next-70-years, and promise-my-first-born-child” (otherwise known as Verizon’s free phone) was not good enough for me.

I wanted the Chocolate.

Not to play music -- I knew there was no way I was going to devote any time to learning how to upload music on anything other than my iPod.

It was definitely not because I got a good deal – please, $250 on eBay, with no warranty, usb cord or directions for that matter. **Red Flag no. 1

No, I bought the Chocolate because it looked cool. Kind of.

Its glossy whiteness, touch screen-y goodness had me at 'hello.'

Fast forward about 8 months to the day my Chocolate comes down with a serious case of ennui and decides it just can’t go on any longer transmitting text messages or illuminating its screen.

However, up until this point my cell phone was aesthetically promising but functionally defeating (not that I was completely willing to admit this). My chin consistently grazed the touch screen every time I would take a call, prompting the phone to demand I say whether I wanted to send a message. Why I would want to send a message while I was already speaking to the person was beyond me, but maybe the Chocolate knew something I didn’t.

After a conversation pleading and begging with the Verizon woman, she surprisingly handed me over a free, refurbished Chocolate. I was stunned; this woman owed me nothing and didn’t have to do that. **Red Flag no. 2

This last week marked the death of my second Chocolate.

To make it even worse, every single one of my friends back home had bought into the iPhone craze and we obnoxiously tap-tap-tapping on the touch screen.

I reluctantly signed another 2-year contract and was given a “free” phone for promising my future nonexistent deed to my nonexistent house (and other such promises).

I’m not going to lie.

Not having my phone sucked. It was not a “freeing” incident where I realized my utter dependence on this particular technology was shallow and insignificant compared to poverty or having your computer crash.

I didn’t for one minute forget it wasn’t working.

The experience did not awaken my inner child.

It was just simply a week without my cell phone. OK, four days.

Indebted for life

2009-03-15T17:48:00.000-07:00

We have all heard the crazy statistics of how much the average U.S. citizen holds in credit card debt. The average American is said to be in debt $8,400 but not all experts agree.

Either way, access to easy money, compounded with the slow economy may be our next "housing bubble."

We cant have everything we want, right?

A 2007 and 2008 poll by CreditCards.com shows that consumers are becoming steadily dependent on their plastic “buy now, pay later.”

But as students, there is little we can do to escape plummeting into the abyss. With 41 percent of students having a credit card, not only are we in that desirable bracket marketers love, we have less responsibility (i.e. children and mortgages) and capital.

The average four-year university student who have loans is 65.6 percent, and the average cumulative debt is $17,277, according to FinAid. This coupled with the credit freeze, has put plenty of students who rely on loans in a predicament as well.

The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act is set to increase the Pell grant by $17 billion. The educational federally funded grant helps an estimated 7 million students. However the money will not be dispersed until July 2010.

While I understand that debt may be inevitable at times, it is best to avoid what we can as students. But until then, here are some ideas for saving money:

1. Move back in with your parents.

Come on you know they miss you. Plus, you can totally avoid step 2.

2. Stop eating, or at least learn to live off 800 calories a day.

If step 2 seems near impossible, refer back to step 1 or my recipe for Ketchup soup.

3. Get a rich boyfriend/girlfriend

You may have to compromise what you are really looking for in a mate (i.e. personality, age or/and personal hygiene)

4. Become a rock star

5. And if you have burned through all four with no luck, you can always get a credit card.

Its just too easy.

Sorry B-list celebrity movie: I’m just not that into you.

2009-03-01T19:21:00.000-08:00

Every year, in fact multiple times throughout the year, a chick-flick (i.e. girl gets dumped, girl reinvents herself, girl falls for unassuming hot-guy who has been pining for her since at least the first 15 minutes of said movie) that attempts to relate to its audience

“Confessions of a Shopaholic” is not that movie.

I must point out at this juncture that I have not, nor intend, to see this movie.

However, this does not mean I’m unqualified to passed judgment on it.

Just face it Hollywood, we already mainlined a fat piece of “Sex in the City” before you could say “trailer” and pretended to ignore the unrealistic plot line of “The Devil Wears Prada.”
But how is a story about a girl addicted to shopping follow in the shoes of amazing chick-flicks like Pretty Woman and Dirty Dancing? (editor’s note: neither Pretty Woman or Dirty Dancing follow the “chick-flick” template, however the two movies reflect a high-point in chick-flick cinema)

Now I ask, who are Shopaholics’ creators intending to reach to with this plot?

Is it estimated that 17 million Americans (yup, both men and women) are shopaholics or compulsive buyers. “Oniomania,” is a compulsive disorder that includes the urge to buy beyond ones reasonable means and is thought to be genetic.

Please!

If genetic they mean that the last 100 years of American culture has been about keeping up with the Jones’? Then yes, we are genetically predisposed to shop till we drop.

But hey, aside from the environmental impact and the degradation of our collective character, what is the harm?

The American government does not set the best example by being the largest debtor nation. What happens when China wants their $800 million back?

Art imitating life is always interesting, but "Confessions of a Shopaholic" only reflects our consumerism on a micro level.

So why, I ask, would I want to see a movie depicting this sad reality?

It seems totally unrealistic and contrived. Plus the fashion doesn't even look that great.

The meaning of being a student

2009-02-15T18:04:00.000-08:00

Graduation is just around the corner, and I couldn't be more thrilled. I love school but I’m ready to close this chapter in my life.

Not because I look forward to competing with other graduates for a minimum-wage paid job in this train wreck of economy, and not because the sweet feel of sheepskin in my hands will validate me as an educated member of society.

I’m just tired of calling myself a student. The word is loaded with meanings.

Humor me.

Undergrad students are generally thought to be 18 to 25 years old. This would mean a student would have had to of gone straight out of high school into college.

Going away to college usually mean students are “out on their own” for the first time in their young-adult life.

Or that homework is something a student tells themselves they will do, only to blow it off for a game of beer-pong.

I’m neither in the 18 to 25 age bracket, nor on my own for the first time. And to be honest, I actually don’t mind doing homework. And I definitely don’t skip class.

While other students are planning out their post-graduation travel plans or internships, I’m debating whether I jump into grad studies or get married.

One thing is for certain, I don’t want to be a student anymore. I’m tired of having to carry these meanings around.